my hero the magic

My fairy wings have been drooping awfully low.

Oh, how we ALL need to be ground to a halt sometimes.

Clobbered.  Thwarted.   Torn from the sky & arrested mid-busy-ness.

Have you ever just reached the end of all your striving….and then wondered why on earth it took you so freaking long to admit it?

This is what pure Grace looks like:

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Moments before this I was walking around shedding desperate, “I can’t do this” tears while Davis watched Roadrunner & Coyote cartoons.

I will tell you the truth.

For too many days I have been pushing myself right out of the Magic for the sake of Parent by Magic.

Stealing my soul away from my kids for the sake of this website!

Crazy right?

I know better.

I know it doesn’t work that way.

But so immense and intense is this project, and so firm the deadline (baby #4 knocking on my tummy, just 3 months left) that I have felt compelled to saddle up to the computer at every opportunity.

I have become intimate with that low-down-dirty-rotten charlatan of false magic ~ Ms. Urgency.

Insidiously she promises hers is the only way.  Then day by day she raises her subtle wages, hiking up the stress, pressure, and demand.

She leaves no apparent choice.  Insists on being paid first.  Lays claim to the wellspring, until the very source is run dry.

Until today.

Today I dissolved on the couch beside my son, scooped him up, and said, “hold me.”

Mama needs love.

What happened next was a Babushka experience.  A Love Enfolding experience.

lone babushka

Babushka moments are like coming home.

They wash over you and surround you completely…like being swallowed up again by the life-giving walls of the uterus that formed you.

I sat there under the strangely still and heavy paperweight of my son’s love and a supernatural quiet and relief overtook me.

Then, as a sweet, sweet gesture of our shared surrender, Davis simply fell asleep in my arms.

-Prayer is no more than the child resting in his Father's arms and saying YES.--Jean Vanier

This is how it feels to be arrested by a vital truth ~ to have your soul and spirit smooshed face-to-face for an honest big girl talk.

I got the message.

No more messing around in the outer courts, preaching the Magic without living the Magic.

No more neglecting my own Canopy ~ my Abiding place ~ the home of my true heart.

canopy space

The life-giving flood of who I really am began spilling up over the banks again.

I decided to do nothing but sit by the window and eat a giant bowl of ice cream and bananas with whip cream and cacao nibs.  (Definitely not the home-made in the vita-mix variety, but infinitely worth it at that moment).

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While Davis slept and slept, I immersed myself in some genuine River Magic….the only real source of joy and nurture this girl (and her family) need.

It’s the Real Magic or Bust for this little Godmother.

I thought I’d tell you about my day, in case your wings are getting droopy too.

st augustine quote

If Madame Urgency and her harem of distraction has you caught up in her silly sideshow, I urge you to wring those wings out and find some love, dear one.

“I will just hold you until you are ready to fly.”

~ words my husband spoke to me 7 years ago

How we need such love…

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